


Do I Wanna Know

by kissing2cousins



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Arctic Monkeys - Do I Wanna Know, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-22
Updated: 2013-11-22
Packaged: 2018-01-02 09:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1054999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissing2cousins/pseuds/kissing2cousins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Song fic - "Do I Wanna Know" by Arctic Monkeys</p>
<p>Daniel is confused after the death of his lost wife on where his relationship with her has ended and where Jack's begins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do I Wanna Know

 

ADF

 

 

_Are there some aces up your sleeve?_

_Have you no idea that you’re in deep?_

 

Dr. Daniel Jackson lay stretched out in the swinging lawn chair that sat askew on the patio of his apartment, his head swaying ever so slightly in tune to the beat that thrummed through the large noise canceling head phones over his ears.  Too long to fit the length of the swing’s bench his bare feet hung lazily over the far arm rest, tapping the air to the sound of _Imagine Dragons_ latest album, as he thumbed through a Greek language reference text held in one hand, his pen poised over his note book with the other.  It was a lazy evening to himself and he was enjoying catching up on some translations for the SGC.

 

A cool breeze kept the sweltering heat of the late summer evening at bay, yet still the scientist could feel the black cotton of his wife beater clinging to his skin.  The heat was uncharacteristic of Colorado and dealing with its unseasonal onslaught reminded the scientist of gating off world.  It was a muggy heat, brought on by an unusual amount of humidity settling in over the city, making everything in its path hot and sticky.  One world particularly came to mind, as the young man shifted his position slightly on the bench to allow the breeze to breath its cooling wisps over his head and chest.  A place that Daniel wished he could forget.

 

P69 534 had been a world set apart from many of the others they had gated to explore.  It had been a tropical oasis, where the gate had been situated near the base of a sleeping volcano, reminding Daniel of what he knew of the Hawaiian Islands here at home.  The air had been stifling during the day, with a hot sun that beat down in the peak of the afternoon heat, and settled into a humid wet evening from which the night brought little cooling.  The entire team had spent the day exploring long abandoned ruins that resembled something between a Mayan ziggurat and strangely a medieval European stronghold.  The shade of the jungle was not enough to save them from the constant sweat that their bodies had wept in its attempt to cool them.  Daniel had never remembered drinking so much water and come sundown the heat was still unbearable.

 

The slick sheen of sweat building on his skin now reminded him of the thick layer he had wished to shed in the tepid waters of a slow moving waterfall he had found. The water had worked its way through the top most level of the ruins to drizzle down like rain through a hole in the opened ceiling to the rough overgrown cobbles of the temple floor.  Daniel had shut off his lights, which he had used to video tape the pictograms on the walls in that place, accepting that the darkness would be enough to hide his nakedness as he took advantage of being alone to bathe in the refreshing water.  He had not considered being caught.

 

Jack had scared the piss out of him. 

 

Daniel had not heard a sound, had not expected the teasing hand that had slapped his ass with a painful sting.  Jack’s laughter was just as infuriating, until the scientist had recognized that the Colonel was naked as well and pushing him over to share the glorious relief from the heat.  Some how it hadn’t been awkward—that was when it had started. 

 

Daniel let the heavy reference text slip from his hands and it toppled haphazardly to the cement patio below.  He carelessly tossed the notebook and pen down to join it in a heap below the gentle sway of the bench swing.  He pushed a heavy frustrated sigh from his lips, his brows furrowing at the growing ache that weighed in his chest at the thought of Jack.  He pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes exhausted from his work, and pulled his semi rimless Diesel’s off, folding the arms of the new spectacles together and laying them too below.  He rubbed his hands over his face, as if the motion could wash his mind of the painful memories of Jack’s hard body pressing down over his own, of the heat between them as their friendship had suddenly and violently changed.

_That’s all over now_ , Daniel reminded himself, compelling the weight in his chest to recede, _it should have never started._   The scientist cursed his friend aloud, blaming the other man for the trouble that had ensued after that night in the heat of the off world planet.  He cursed himself for the pleasure that he had found in the others arms, for the excitement that he had felt touching and being touched.  He blamed his own loneliness for the secretive meetings the two had shared after Jack had initiated what he had grown to hate.

 

Daniel missed his wife.  He missed the simplicity of the brief time they had spent as one.  Their love had been true and easy.  Jack’s was complicated—in fact, Daniel doubted it counted as love at all.  Could stolen moments of pleasure and pleasing really be anything more than casual sex?  No, of course not.

 

_Ever thought of calling when you have had a few?_

_‘Cause I always do_

_Maybe I’m too busy being yours to find somebody new._

 

Sha’re was dead now, more final than the scientist wanted to admit—stolen away from him.  Remembering her crushed Daniel, as he considered the betrayal against her and all they had shared, that he had committed in the arms of the Colonel.  For months before her death he had been meeting with Jack to share in their fast paced, lust driven, moments of passion.  The moment he had seen her again, even if she was still controlled by the beast within, the guilt had struck him—more painful than the torturous ribbon device she had used against him.  That was why Daniel had cut Jack out of his life after he had lost Sha’re—he had too.  The scientist could only deal with so much at one time and grieving for his wife, he hated to admit, was easier than dealing with the guilt he felt over loving another—loving a man—while she had still been alive.  He had thought of leaving the SGC because of it, yet that would have defeated his murdered wife even more.  Gating was the only chance he had at righting the wrong he had done—a way to somehow make up for loving another while she was still manipulated by the parasite inside her.

 

The music playing in his headphones suddenly cut out and Daniel was roused to the fact by the sudden muted raucous of the street below his apartment filtering through the earpieces.  The scientist fished the iphone from the pocket of his navy running shorts to flip the album to ‘replay’.  With a tap the first song began to play and the melody set to soothing his anxiety and frustration with its calming beat and smooth lyrics.  Daniel lay the phone down on his abdomen and closed his eyes, allowing the music to carry his mind.

 

_I dreamt of you nearly every night this week_

_How many secrets can you keep?_

_‘Cause there’s this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow_

_And I play it on repeat until I fall asleep_

 

Daniel cursed again, grabbing it and shaking the phone violently to the right to switch the song with the auto-detect.  The phone gave a beep as it began the next song on the album and Daniel’s head flopped back against the cushion on the bench, sighing with regret. 

 

Cutting Jack out of his life had been difficult—no, impossible.  It wasn’t that they worked together—that Daniel could do.  As long as he had the focus of the mission and his work to do, he could keep the thoughts and memories of Jack that were painful at bay.  It was times like this—down time—that was hard.  There seemed to be a reminder of Jack at every turn his mind took, never allowing him the peace to move on.

 

_Do you ever get that fear_

_That you can’t shift the tide_

_That sticks to you like summat in your teeth?_

 

Even with the constant and never ending need for his skills at the SGC Daniel had not been able to completely forget about Jack and the breathless moments they had shared sweaty and bare, entangled in one another’s arms.  The sheen on sweat that glistened on his skin now from the unseasonal heat that had hit the city was enough to remind Daniel—to dredge up what he had tried to lock away—twisting his stomach into a knot and bringing a lump up in his throat.

 

_Are there some aces up your sleeve?_

_Have you no idea that you’re in deep?_

 

Daniel rubbed his hands over his face again, as his own desire melted his will to resist the thoughts that now bombarded his brain like one of the Colonel’s well planned strategic offenses.  He brought his arms back to cradle his head as the music and his memories swept him away.  He allowed the recollection of Jack’s aggressive hands to wash over him, like a phantom touch that brought goosebumps to his warm skin.  As the words played into his ears through the headphones he thought of Jack’s strength, the dominance in which Daniel had so often before submitted beneath and the pleasure that had taken him further than he thought humanly possible.  The beat of the base between his temples reminding him of the thundering pace of his own heart beating against the heat of the Colonel’s chest.

 

As one song finished and the next began the words shifted his thoughts, with the mood of the lyrics, and Daniel found himself idly wondering what Jack was doing now, with his down time.  Was he at home settled in his recliner watching the game on his flat screen with a beer, as the scientist had so often observed him enjoying?  Or was he busy, as he himself regimentally tried to be to deal with his problems. 

 

_Do I wanna know_

_If this feeling flows both ways_

 

Daniel crushed the rise of hope that was rising in his chest and accepted the heavy weight that replaced it.  He was stupid to think that the Colonel wanted anything more to do with him now—had he not hurt Jack enough already?

 

The scientist could not rid himself of the vision of the pain that he had seen acutely on Jack’s face when he had denied his friend even an explanation for his decision.  Although the other man had tried valiantly to persuade Daniel to discuss the matter, the scientist had always managed to clam up or side step the issue—a cruel means of cutting the Colonel from his life.  It had been months since he had left Jack confused and hurt, yet still to this day he had never once offered the other man any kind of reasoning.

 

_Reasoning,_ Daniel scoffed at the very thought, _what reasoning do I have for what I have done?  If I’m at all honest with myself, than I would at least apologize to the man.  It’s too late now for second chances…I made sure of that when I ended things with him._ The regret beseeched the scientist like a typhoon, drowning him in his own self-pity.  Daniel had been resolute for so long over the decision that sometimes he wondered if he had lost his mind.  What was he trying so hard for?  To martyr his dead wife and punish himself through eternal celibacy?  How long could be forget that he was human, or that he had a heart, and what was he hoping to achieve in the end?    _If I were truly honest with myself, I would admit that I still want him…that I still need him._

_Crawling back to you_

_So have you got the guts?_

_Been wondering if your heart is still open_

_And if so I wanna know what time it shuts?_

 

For but a brief moment the sliver of a thought to charge over to the Colonel’s home, barge in, apologize, and then proclaim his undying love for the other man, took hold within his mind.  Just as quickly Daniel defeated it, through it back within the dark recess from which it had came, and locked the door, tossing the key as far away as he was physically—or mentally—capable of doing.  There was no way Jack would want him back now.  Not now.  Not after all the pain he had caused.

 

_Crawling back to you_

_Ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few?_

_Cause I always do_

 

There was the gentle yet form pressure of hands coming down his shoulders and over his chest that suddenly and violently propelled Daniel out of his own skin and up off of the swing’s bench in a very ungraceful flail of limbs.  The scientist was surprised he managed to land on his feet.  The iphone that his head phones had been attached to disconnecting from the jack and skittering across the cement patio.  The silence Daniel was left in was overcome by the booming of his heartbeat in his temples, as he stared at the intruder.

 

Daniel would have preferred a robber or a molester to the specter that he saw.  The ghostly visage of an unmistakable female form floated within arms reach of him.  The hot rays of a sun that was transitioning from evening to dusk heated his back just as the apparition before him sent a shiver through him.  His wide eyes scanned the pale white form, noting with endearment the full black ringlets of curls that cascaded down from her head, over the petite shoulders and full bust line, draped in the rough homespun fibers of her Abydonian home that hung flatteringly from her frame to disappear into a swirl of mist at the ground.  His eyes met the dark iris’ that he use to lose himself within whilst making love to her, framed in the long dark lashes, moving down the length of her thin nose to the plump rosebud mouth below.  He could feel the tingle of their last kiss now on his lips, as though it had happened on moments ago, and then those lips parted, moving to whisper in her melodious native tongue, “You must release me, Dan’yel.  You must allow me to pass.”

 

Daniel felt the sting of tears but felt the crush of her words even more.  The pain nearly doubled him over, like a well-placed shot to the kidney from behind.  Then he felt the coolness of her fingers on his cheeks, as her hands took his face between them.  He looked down into those eyes, as she continued, “Let me go, my sweet Dan’yel, to leave this realm between, and learn…learn to open your heart again.”

 

As he closed his eyes and tears over came him, he felt the cool press of her familiar mouth against his own, quick and final before a warm breeze caressed his skin and he knew she was gone.  Daniel inhaled sharply, stifling the sobs that came with the hot tears that streamed down his cheeks.  He rubbed with the back of his hand, wiping them away, as his knees buckled and he fell to his knees on the patio.  Although his heart ached, a strange calm overcame him, like a warm blanket on a cold day that enveloped him in a sense of comfort.  He stood still a long time, absorbing what had just happened—not sure if he should consider if he was going crazy or if he should just accept it for what it was and heed the advice he had received.  Finally, coming to terms with what his own needs and his own desires truly were, he chose the later.  He opened his eyes, wiping them once more for good measure, as he went about cleaning up the mess below the swing’s bench.  The tremors in his hands slowly receded as he went through to motions of gathering his text and journal, the pen and the iphone.

 

The scientist lobbed the books onto the bench of the swing, tossing the pen after them, and as he went to remove the head phones from around his head and pocket the phone, it vibrated, lighting up and announcing to the musical “MacGyver” themed ringtone that he had an incoming call.  A familiar name came up.  Jack O’Niell.

 

Daniel hesitated, as the phone vibrated and sang in his hand.  His heart thumped loudly once more but the knot he normally associated with a call from the Colonel was strangely absent.  The scientist thought of his wife and the odd encounter—a smile came to the corner of his mouth—and he dragged his finger across the screen to take his friend’s call for the first time in months.  As he brought to phone to his ear and greeted the man on the other end with a friendly salutation, Jack’s voice seemed to echo through the phone at him.  Confused Daniel pulled the phone back and checked the bars.  They were full—it wasn’t the connection.  His patio door slid open and seeing a blurred masculine form standing there, he threw his glasses on and confirmed his hopeful suspicions.  Jack stood there, with a mischievous grin on his face, as he hung up on Daniel.

 

The scientist disregarded the logistics of the other man’s intrusion, not caring how he had gotten into his apartment, as he took the proffered hand before him and came to his feet.  Jack shrugged his shoulders and excused his actions, awkwardly trying to explain, “I just had a feeling I should come over.”

 

Daniel smiled softly, replying, “That’s okay, Jack, I’m glad you came.  There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

 

_Crawling back to you?_

_I don’t know if you feel the same as I do_

_But we could be together if you wanted to_

 

Jack accepted the apology with a grin that crinkled his eyes and a hand that ruffled Daniel’s long hair roughly, before his strong arms enveloped the other man in a body-crushing embrace.  The scientist reciprocated with a smile and let his head cradle into the nape of the Colonel’s neck, grateful to smell the sweat of the other man and feel the grate of his stubble against his cheek once more, as Jack whispered into his ear, “I wouldn’t have it any other way, Danny.”

 

~fin~

 

 

 


End file.
